you know it’s getting serious…

when you start going to open houses on your days off together.

#startedfromthebottomnowwehere …thanks for the hashtag, Drake!

Most fitting.

Remember: no matter how long you’ve been dating or married to a person, always make time out of your busy schedules to go on a date and relive the very reason why you fell in love.

— Joyce

Oprah’s Advice on Men…

“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are… even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships…there is nothing cute about baggage… Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you…a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals… look for someone complimentary… not supplementary.

Dating is fun… even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes… when a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him - he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this, you’ll make someone smile, another rethink their choices, and another woman prepare.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them….and an entire lifetime to forget them.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phil says… You should know that: You’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he’s not the only one. They’re all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts…”

Lonesome Confessions.

Expectations. Everyone has to meet them. Whether it’s your job, your duty as a family member, friend or lover… It’s there. I have always rode on the fact that I had enough strength to hold everyone’s problems including my own. But I am human, and I now realize that I am not invincible. I am not the heroine to all victories, especially for my own life. I am flawed, imperfect, fragmented in emotions that I wish did not exist.

I am a ticking time bomb. I choose to be cool, calm and collected because that is the life I want to lead. I try not to sweat the small stuff because it is, in my eyes, unnecessary, impractical, foolish, maybe even childish. I was taught at a very young age to sweep things under the rug and keep it there because there were far worst things happening in this world that I could not control. At least I could control these personal situations. But over time this ideation of a rug becomes smaller and smaller leaving me with little space to sweep things under. I find myself gasping for air in thoughts and confusion and I black out in a sea of anger and sadness. Until, BOOM an explosion, which results to having no recollection of anything, just a feeling of numb emptiness.

Maybe I play the friendly role too much. I am a firm believer in killing people with kindness. There is nothing so tumultuous in this world to give any value to the word “hate.” I don’t believe in grudges. I have faith in the concept that time repents all things that have gone wrong in people’s lives. But sometimes I wonder, what if I were a complete and total bitch. Would I get the respect I deserve? Do I have to reign in terror to avoid being taken advantage of? Because as soon as I cannot offer my services of kindness, my whole existence is kicked to the curb, left to be forgotten. A servant to those who need an ear, a shoulder, a heart to rely on. And when I ask for a bit in return, I hear nothing but the echoes of my own voice, telling myself that everything is going to be alright.

I hope to be appreciated some day solely on my existence. Not because I held you up through your toughest times or covered for you when you were in trouble. Not because I love you unconditionally. Not because I seem to be the only person who understands you. Not because of the skills I have learned in life to meet necessities. Not because I met 90% of your expectations as a daughter, a sister, a friend, or a lover. But for the mistakes I have made, the life I choose to live, the celebrations in my life as well as the lowest of lows in my life, from my little annoyances to the very particular things that make up who I genuinely am.

I am surrounded by so many yet have never felt so alone.
Ironic, isn’t it?

— Joyce

Addendum: I realize that this isn’t the inspirational type of writing that the world of Tumblr craves for. I am not endorsing negativity to be the focal point in this blog post. I am simply stating the fact that it’s not all rainbows and butterflies in life. This is reality. This is MY reality, anyway. I am not going to post all of the things that make me happy. I want to record the things that make me sad as well. So that you, as the reader, can relate…even on your off days. You learn most about yourself at your most vulnerable, in my opinion. I hope to God no one takes this personal. The bottom line is, appreciate the ones you hold dear to your heart and let them know it. Give respect but also learn to receive it back. It’s give and take. You deserve the best in life in any way you (and only you) know how.

Romance dans le cinéma…

There is nothing more intimate and alluring than going on a date in an environment where you are forced not to use sound but body language (without sex!) to communicate and get to know one another. 

The movies…it’s not just a great first date because he can strategically yawn and wrap his arm around you at that right moment, it’s not just about her grabbing on to your arm at the height of horror.

Like most things in life, it is the subtle, innocent interactions that make watching movies with a person of interest or your loved one, romantic. It’s knowing that the only means of communication is soft touches, reactive glances, and whispers in the ear; it’s lining up for the popcorn, the junk food, even the 3D glasses — all of the accoutrement that the cinema theatre entails; it’s sharing this one whimsical adventure, budding romance, horrifying tale without saying a word. 

And once the moment of silence is over and the credits start rolling, all the words that you so willingly held back during the movie flow continuously with one another until you find that you and your date are conversing in coherence. All because, for a couple of hours, you both experienced the magical world of fiction…together.

xx Joyce

EXCERPT: >Good Guy, Bad Guy

girlsarethenewboys.com (for more posts)

>I find it funny how people always wanna play the victim, when in reality no one ever wants to be an actual victim. These people want the accolades that go along with being the injured party, but really? Nobody sits there and says, “It’s a mighty fine morning to get robbed!” or “Man, I hope I get my heartbroken today!” WHO DOES THAT??!!

I’ll tell you who. People that refuse to acknowledge the role they played in the situation. People that fail to take responsibility for their actions. These are the same people who may be able to move on from an experience – but never GROW from it.

My girl once wrote that “there are 2 types of people in the world. there are the ones who just don’t know any better. and then there are the ones who do, but do the fucked up thing anyway.”

I think about the mistakes I’ve made in life. *sigh* I wouldn’t say that I didn’t know any better, but I definitely didn’t do the “fucked up thing anyway.” I believe I did what was best at the time. Now that I look back, I see where I could’ve done better. Been more kinder. More considerate. Less stubborn and more appreciative. But the only reason I’m able to recognize this now, is because I more than willingly owned up to my mistakes.

Real victims don’t sensationalize situations to gain a team, they simply reiterate facts. And real victims don’t fabricate stories just to lighten the guilt in their own heart. Because real victims DON’T WANT TO BE FUCKING VICTIMS! And when it really comes down to it, it doesn’t matter who’s the good guy or the bad guy anyway. ‘Cuz nobody wants to be the “bad guy” either.

But if doing what was best for the both of us at the time made me the bad guy? Then so be it. At least I know I was fighting the good fight.

To all the men I’ve loved before…I apologize.

“Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time..”  — Dalai Lama